#14

The Full Moon. Night of crazies and lunatics. The night after the full moon is for the retarded dregs that are too stupid to make it out on the full moon.

It was very quiet. I spent most of the night hanging out with the girls. Fuck, they're a funny bunch. But they're good. I had an idiot of a client who questioned everything, right from the start. I mean, seriously. He questioned why he had to have a shower. Before the service had even started.

Why do I have to have a shower? Why do I have to use mouthwash? Why won't you kiss me? (cuz you didn't use the mouthwash) Why won't you let me go down on you (oh HELL to the no!!!)

He finally took the mouthwash, and I let him kiss me without tongue. He kissed like a plunger. That wet open mouthed sucking of my face. EWWW. Dude was convinced he was the greatest lover ever. 'Let me show you how to kiss. Like, seriously, I don't know how to kiss? I've kissed more guys than you've kissed girls. More intensely and with more feeling, both real and faked.

I froze when he told me he wasn't used to wearing a condom. 'Last time I was here I didn't wear one'. Um. No. I know for a fact that you did. No girls do bareback there. I flatly told him that I would not have sex without a condom, and gave him the choice of another girl. He took the condom.

And then whinged that he had to wear it to get head. Fucker.

After he'd finished, he was trying to impress me as to how smart he was.

'When I die, my penis will turn to bone.' Um. No dude. It won't It'll rot like the rest of your flesh. 'Yes, it will. You must trust me on this, I know what I'm talking about.' No you don't. You're a freaking MORON. 'You must trust me on this.' Finally I dropped the extent of my education. He went silent. Thank fuck. Then 'Well, I have a bone behind my penis.' No. No you don't. 'Women have 2 bones, men have 1.' No, the pelvis has 6 bones, regardless of what sex you are, just a womans is slightly different shaped. That guy should not breed.

I also intro'd one guy who asked me a gazillion questions. Including 'How often do I paint my nails.' I shit you not. Do you want me to bend over and spread my arse cheeks so you can count the wrinkles around my arsehole as well? He ended up picking the only girl he didn't even acknowledge.

There were a handful of normal guys in. I think I got the best of them (naturally). But even he had 'issues' and couldn't get it hard. *sigh* But from what I could see it would have been a glorious member.